The ETAs
I asked Jake to read Snippet's birth story, to check my accuracy, which I suspected might have some sketchy points. During the delivery, I was trying so hard to stay connected IN THE MOMENT, so that as much of the experience as possible would imprint on my mind for recall in the years ahead. But, as the pain increased, my connection to details around me notably decreased, as I focused more and more inwardly, noting less and less of the activity and atmosphere around me.
Jake's correction points aren't many, but they do seem worth noting for the record. So, here they are....the Birth Story ETAs:
1. Apparently the pitocin was increased several more times, long after I zoned out with the pain. The last number I recall seeing was 18ml, but Jake says they actually didn't stop the increases until it hit 24ml. Yikes! I don't know what the maximum allowed dosage is, but if they had taken that much higher, it's quite possible that Jake would have slugged someone.
2. Jake would like the record to reflect that he was *not* sitting in a chair during my labor, but was standing the entire time. I would normally have some sympathy and hugs for his aching back, feet, etc. but COME ON. However, the record is now officially corrected.
3. I forgot to mention the delivery of the placenta. It slipped my mind because it didn't involve much effort on my part, and I was so distracted trying to watch Snippet with the nurses. The placenta seemed to take only a moment to deliver, and I do recall the icky squishy feeling as it left me. My OB held it up for Jake and I to see, which was actually a really cool moment. The doc called it, "Your son's old apartment." I have to say, it looked rather roomy.
In my mind I'm working on various post-pardum posts, though none of them have hit the keyboard. My days with Snippet seem to unwind in light speed, eaten up by his every-two-hours feeding sessions, unending laundry (due to his multiple wardrobe changes throughout the day), and a compulsion to have the house as clean as possible at all times. At first, this compulsion was motivated by the constant (and sometimes unexpected) stream of visitors we received in the past two weeks. But, now that the house is mostly quiet, I still feel compelled to spend every moment endlessly tidying. This is NOT how I want to spend this priceless time with Snippet (which expires in 4 weeks when I have to go bak to work), but I feel horribly guilty just sitting around the house while Jake is working all day. Also, I know that once I return to work, I won't be able to keep the house this clean, so it's as though I'm trying to be the model housewife for as long as I can. Even still, our house is far, far from spotless---it's just less disgusting than normal. This gives me a strange pleasure, and makes me feel more motherly somehow. So, I wake up each day with a long list of cleaning and organizing projects, and develop an unkind headache if I try to ignore the next item on the list.
I feel certain this attention to my microcosm is also propelled by the fact that Snippet and I have been on house arrest since his birth. Our pediatrician asked us to keep him strictly home until his 2-week checkup this Wednesday. If he looks healthy, then we'll be released to introduce Snippet to the rest of the world. And, just in time, as I've started to become a bit claustrophobic, and I'm pretty sure the constant housecleaning is some reaction to that. The longer I'm pinned in these walls, the more dust, dog hair and general muck I see, and panic that the existence of such things will get me reported to the Bad Mother Patrols.
Jake's correction points aren't many, but they do seem worth noting for the record. So, here they are....the Birth Story ETAs:
1. Apparently the pitocin was increased several more times, long after I zoned out with the pain. The last number I recall seeing was 18ml, but Jake says they actually didn't stop the increases until it hit 24ml. Yikes! I don't know what the maximum allowed dosage is, but if they had taken that much higher, it's quite possible that Jake would have slugged someone.
2. Jake would like the record to reflect that he was *not* sitting in a chair during my labor, but was standing the entire time. I would normally have some sympathy and hugs for his aching back, feet, etc. but COME ON. However, the record is now officially corrected.
3. I forgot to mention the delivery of the placenta. It slipped my mind because it didn't involve much effort on my part, and I was so distracted trying to watch Snippet with the nurses. The placenta seemed to take only a moment to deliver, and I do recall the icky squishy feeling as it left me. My OB held it up for Jake and I to see, which was actually a really cool moment. The doc called it, "Your son's old apartment." I have to say, it looked rather roomy.
In my mind I'm working on various post-pardum posts, though none of them have hit the keyboard. My days with Snippet seem to unwind in light speed, eaten up by his every-two-hours feeding sessions, unending laundry (due to his multiple wardrobe changes throughout the day), and a compulsion to have the house as clean as possible at all times. At first, this compulsion was motivated by the constant (and sometimes unexpected) stream of visitors we received in the past two weeks. But, now that the house is mostly quiet, I still feel compelled to spend every moment endlessly tidying. This is NOT how I want to spend this priceless time with Snippet (which expires in 4 weeks when I have to go bak to work), but I feel horribly guilty just sitting around the house while Jake is working all day. Also, I know that once I return to work, I won't be able to keep the house this clean, so it's as though I'm trying to be the model housewife for as long as I can. Even still, our house is far, far from spotless---it's just less disgusting than normal. This gives me a strange pleasure, and makes me feel more motherly somehow. So, I wake up each day with a long list of cleaning and organizing projects, and develop an unkind headache if I try to ignore the next item on the list.
I feel certain this attention to my microcosm is also propelled by the fact that Snippet and I have been on house arrest since his birth. Our pediatrician asked us to keep him strictly home until his 2-week checkup this Wednesday. If he looks healthy, then we'll be released to introduce Snippet to the rest of the world. And, just in time, as I've started to become a bit claustrophobic, and I'm pretty sure the constant housecleaning is some reaction to that. The longer I'm pinned in these walls, the more dust, dog hair and general muck I see, and panic that the existence of such things will get me reported to the Bad Mother Patrols.
posted by deanna at 7:16 PM
4 Comments:
I completely understand your feelings of guilt over being home with Snippet while jake works hard all day. Having traded my demanding career for the role of housewife, I felt the exact same way for a looooong time. I know you didn't ask for any advice but I can't help myself: forget the house. Cherish this time with your baby. Jake sounds like a wonderful guy so I bet he will understand. You have to go back to work in *four weeks* and you won't get this time back.
Unsolicited advice officially over. So glad to hear (read) that things are well with your family.
I agree with femme. The cleanliness of the house will always be fleeting, but this time is too precious to waste worrying about keeping up with something that shouldn't take precedence right now.
No one cares at this moment whether your house is clean. And you are not "home while Jake works", you are recovering from a birth and bonding with your baby and taking care of him. That is not sitting home doing nothing- it is hard work to care for a newborn, and your body needs rest. Doctors didn't come up with the 6 week disability period arbitrarily - your body really has to recover, and housework can actually set you back. You need to rest when Snippet rests so you are always at the top of your game with him. And your body deserves the rest and recovery after what pregnancy and delivery does to it.
Enjoy this time - the house doesn't matter. Soon enough you will be back to work and trying to juggle everything. This is one of the only times in your life that, to a large extent, time will stop. If anyone cares about the state of your house, they don't deserve to be in it.
Ok, my assvice is complete. Kiss that baby for me!
Congratulations on little Snippet! Why can't you take him out of the house? We really enjoyed the time we had with Lilli in Utah and when she was 10 days old she was already on her first flight back home. Maybe it is because of the weather.
FEMME & RONI: Thanks, ladies. You are so right on this. I took your advice today and tried to dismiss the "slacker" guilt, and ended up really enjoying some high-quality cuddle time with Snippet. =)
YOKA: It's something our pediatrician asked us to do. He said he would like the baby to be restricted to home for the first two weeks, just to give him some time to boost his immunities. I wondered, too, if this recommendation was related to the cool weather, though the doctor didn't mention that. I'm just so glad we'll be released tomorrow!!! I can't wait to introduce Snippet to the world!
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