The Breast Report
(There is an important ETA in the "First Week Home" catagory. I forgot to clarify when to use warm compresses, versus cold packs....)
The post-pardum posts that are brewing concern a variety of things, mostly simple quirky stuff going on. But, the unquirky subject most on my mind is also the activity that has most hijacked my days since Snippet was born. Breastfeeding has been, far and away, the most difficult thing about being a new parent. Everything else is going so incredibly well! Snippet is a calm, sweet boy who mostly cries for a specific reason that can be addressed. The dogs love him, and he is totally unphased by all of their barking and crazy antics. Jake is a great Dad, a natural with children who has even done really well on a couple of solo afternoons he spent with the baby.
It's just the damn breastfeeding that is being so tiresome, so difficult, so frustrating. Despite the 3-hour class I took, the videos I watched and the books I read, I was not AT ALL prepared for the actual experience of breastfeeding. I was mentally aware of some of the problems, but when it came to actually experiencing them, I had no emotional coping skills. Here is a basic run-down of my experiences so far. Of course, I'm not a lactation consultant, so any first-time-moms out there should heed my advice and tales with due caution. However, I do feel like my experiences will surely visit upon someone else, and I would like to be helpful if I can.
BREASTFEEDING IN THE HOSPITAL: Snippet took to breastfeeding as though he and I had been practicing it forever. As soon as the staff gave him to me after delivery, I took him straight to the breast, hoping to cash in on that fabled window of magical opportunity. And, it was magical---all sparkly and surreal, and made me feel like a total superhero. I couldn't believe my breasts actually WORKED, and that Snippet knew what to do with them. The nurses hovered around us, waiting to help, and were astounded to see that I already knew what to do, and that Snippet was working so well with me. I had ferociously read online and in books about getting the latch correct, so I dove right in: used the C-hold, touched Snippet's lower lip, guided him to proper placement, and we were off and running. A couple of times when he tried to just yank on my nipple instead, I broke the bad latch with my pinky finger and corrected him. The nurses were amazed, saying I was one of the best breastfeeding first-time-moms they had ever seen, and they wanted to know what resources I had used. They made me feel so confident in myself. I was soaring when I left the hospital, convinced that this early success was an omen of the ease to come.
FIRST DAYS HOME: We were released from the hospital on Wednesday, October 8th, and by the next day my milk had come in. By that evening, my breasts had ballooned a full cup size, from the C-cup I had become while pregnant to a D-cup. I was astounded at their sheer size, especially the left one which I took immediately to calling Big Lefty. It was a full D, while the right was more like a near D. My nipples at this point were starting to feel a little sore, but it was manageable.
FIRST WEEK HOME: By Friday night, engorgement had set in. I remembered hearing about this during my research, but being pretty baffled by it, too. My resources said it was guaranteed to happen to everyone, but to just continue breastfeeding and it would go away. I was woefully unprepared for this problem in actuality. Engorgement basically means your breasts swell up with the rush of first milk, which your tiny newborn can't possibly drain off. So, then your breasts become these rock-hard masses that are hot and sore, and create nipples that are impossible for your baby to latch onto. Since my research had said that feeding the baby was the remedy for engorgement, I continued to feed Snippet, though he struggled to latch. I scoured the internet looking for treatment of the swelling and pain, and found that massaging the hard breast tissue with a hot washcloth right before I nursed him worked wonders. It softened the tissue, and allowed me to hand-express quite a bit of milk so that Snippet could get a better latch. Some websites even recommended that I use my pump to pump off some of the excess milk to enable a better latch, but they didn't mention how to cope with a screaming infant while first taking the time to massage and then sit at a pump. So, instead, I would turn Snippet over to Jake while I massaged and hand-expressed simultaneously, until latch conditions were more favorable. (ETA: In between nursing sessions, I applied packs of frozen peas to the entire breast, which is supposed to help the swelling go down and numb the area somewhat to give pain relief. The hot washcloth should only be applied in the minutes before nursing to soften things up and help you hand-express to create a better nipple latch. Then, after nursing, you're supposed to switch back to the cold packs.)
SECOND WEEK HOME: By the start of week two, I realized that by letting Snippet nurse from engorged nipples, some nasty damage had been done, especially to Big Lefty. While still coping with engorgement, my nipples began to bleed. This was when the whole house of cards nearly fell apart. Here I was with gigantic, hard, painful boobs, and now there was this searing, knife-like pain whenever Snippet latched on, coupled with actual blood dripping out with the milk. I ran sobbing to the bathroom, massaging, dabbing at the blood, and dripping milk all over the floor. I was so completely overwhelmed and distraught because it seemed that every waking (and even sleepy!) moment was spent on breast care---either feeding the baby, massaging, pumping, applying lanolin, hand-expressing, etc. When Jake opened the door to check on me, I told him I felt like a totally incompetent mother because everything on the internet said these problems were all my fault. He said the internet is full of a lot of bullshit, and I should call the hospital. I continued to cry, dripping all my multiple fluids onto his tee shirt, and promised I would call the next morning.
HELP FROM THE HOSPITAL: I called the hospital's lactation consultant, who was so wonderful and comforting. Everything I read online blamed bleeding and sore nipples on the mother's inability to recognize a bad latch. But, I KNEW Snippet had a good latch, and so did all the nurses and the consultant who had checked me at the hospital. I knew something else had to be going on. The consultant confirmed this, saying that many women have a breaking-in period that lasts several weeks. She said my nipples had had life pretty good before this, but now they were having to take on a whole new tough role. The only way to get them over this hump was to allow the pain to happen, coping with it by pumping one side for a 24-hour period so it could heal while the other side took the brunt of the abuse. Then, I should switch this routine, so that the other side had a 24-hour window to heal over. Jake said it sounded to him like learning to play the guitar---a lot of people give up early on because it hurts your fingers, but once you build up the callouses, you're good to go. Apparently, it's the same with nipples.
THIRD WEEK HOME: Starting on my third week now, things are finally going a little smoother. I'm still dealing with engorgement on the right breast, and trying to get it under control. I use the massage techniques, and pump it down in the morning, which brings wonderful immediate relief. Then, the rest of the day, I alternate Snippet at each feeding. (I've heard it recommended that the baby should nurse from both breasts at each feeding, but Snippet will often refuse to latch on a second time, so I don't prematurely interrupt him.) I'm using some caution here, because I want to avoid having my body think it needs to provide enough milk for both the baby and the pump. Usually the right side starts to get engorged again by the evening, so I wonder if I'm still not getting the equation quite right.
While I was pregnant, I remember hearing and reading the statement that X-percentage of women stop breastfeeding after the first week, though no one ever clarified the reasons for this decline. Well, now I know why, on multiple levels. Were it not for all the great health advantages of nursing, I, too, would have called it quits after that first week. Instead, I'm pushing forward, with faith in the words of the consultant who assured me it gets easier each day, each week, until suddenly, it's a simple, painless part of my day, that brings more satisfaction than frustration. I'm definitely not there yet, but I'm hopeful that soon I will be.
The post-pardum posts that are brewing concern a variety of things, mostly simple quirky stuff going on. But, the unquirky subject most on my mind is also the activity that has most hijacked my days since Snippet was born. Breastfeeding has been, far and away, the most difficult thing about being a new parent. Everything else is going so incredibly well! Snippet is a calm, sweet boy who mostly cries for a specific reason that can be addressed. The dogs love him, and he is totally unphased by all of their barking and crazy antics. Jake is a great Dad, a natural with children who has even done really well on a couple of solo afternoons he spent with the baby.
It's just the damn breastfeeding that is being so tiresome, so difficult, so frustrating. Despite the 3-hour class I took, the videos I watched and the books I read, I was not AT ALL prepared for the actual experience of breastfeeding. I was mentally aware of some of the problems, but when it came to actually experiencing them, I had no emotional coping skills. Here is a basic run-down of my experiences so far. Of course, I'm not a lactation consultant, so any first-time-moms out there should heed my advice and tales with due caution. However, I do feel like my experiences will surely visit upon someone else, and I would like to be helpful if I can.
BREASTFEEDING IN THE HOSPITAL: Snippet took to breastfeeding as though he and I had been practicing it forever. As soon as the staff gave him to me after delivery, I took him straight to the breast, hoping to cash in on that fabled window of magical opportunity. And, it was magical---all sparkly and surreal, and made me feel like a total superhero. I couldn't believe my breasts actually WORKED, and that Snippet knew what to do with them. The nurses hovered around us, waiting to help, and were astounded to see that I already knew what to do, and that Snippet was working so well with me. I had ferociously read online and in books about getting the latch correct, so I dove right in: used the C-hold, touched Snippet's lower lip, guided him to proper placement, and we were off and running. A couple of times when he tried to just yank on my nipple instead, I broke the bad latch with my pinky finger and corrected him. The nurses were amazed, saying I was one of the best breastfeeding first-time-moms they had ever seen, and they wanted to know what resources I had used. They made me feel so confident in myself. I was soaring when I left the hospital, convinced that this early success was an omen of the ease to come.
FIRST DAYS HOME: We were released from the hospital on Wednesday, October 8th, and by the next day my milk had come in. By that evening, my breasts had ballooned a full cup size, from the C-cup I had become while pregnant to a D-cup. I was astounded at their sheer size, especially the left one which I took immediately to calling Big Lefty. It was a full D, while the right was more like a near D. My nipples at this point were starting to feel a little sore, but it was manageable.
FIRST WEEK HOME: By Friday night, engorgement had set in. I remembered hearing about this during my research, but being pretty baffled by it, too. My resources said it was guaranteed to happen to everyone, but to just continue breastfeeding and it would go away. I was woefully unprepared for this problem in actuality. Engorgement basically means your breasts swell up with the rush of first milk, which your tiny newborn can't possibly drain off. So, then your breasts become these rock-hard masses that are hot and sore, and create nipples that are impossible for your baby to latch onto. Since my research had said that feeding the baby was the remedy for engorgement, I continued to feed Snippet, though he struggled to latch. I scoured the internet looking for treatment of the swelling and pain, and found that massaging the hard breast tissue with a hot washcloth right before I nursed him worked wonders. It softened the tissue, and allowed me to hand-express quite a bit of milk so that Snippet could get a better latch. Some websites even recommended that I use my pump to pump off some of the excess milk to enable a better latch, but they didn't mention how to cope with a screaming infant while first taking the time to massage and then sit at a pump. So, instead, I would turn Snippet over to Jake while I massaged and hand-expressed simultaneously, until latch conditions were more favorable. (ETA: In between nursing sessions, I applied packs of frozen peas to the entire breast, which is supposed to help the swelling go down and numb the area somewhat to give pain relief. The hot washcloth should only be applied in the minutes before nursing to soften things up and help you hand-express to create a better nipple latch. Then, after nursing, you're supposed to switch back to the cold packs.)
SECOND WEEK HOME: By the start of week two, I realized that by letting Snippet nurse from engorged nipples, some nasty damage had been done, especially to Big Lefty. While still coping with engorgement, my nipples began to bleed. This was when the whole house of cards nearly fell apart. Here I was with gigantic, hard, painful boobs, and now there was this searing, knife-like pain whenever Snippet latched on, coupled with actual blood dripping out with the milk. I ran sobbing to the bathroom, massaging, dabbing at the blood, and dripping milk all over the floor. I was so completely overwhelmed and distraught because it seemed that every waking (and even sleepy!) moment was spent on breast care---either feeding the baby, massaging, pumping, applying lanolin, hand-expressing, etc. When Jake opened the door to check on me, I told him I felt like a totally incompetent mother because everything on the internet said these problems were all my fault. He said the internet is full of a lot of bullshit, and I should call the hospital. I continued to cry, dripping all my multiple fluids onto his tee shirt, and promised I would call the next morning.
HELP FROM THE HOSPITAL: I called the hospital's lactation consultant, who was so wonderful and comforting. Everything I read online blamed bleeding and sore nipples on the mother's inability to recognize a bad latch. But, I KNEW Snippet had a good latch, and so did all the nurses and the consultant who had checked me at the hospital. I knew something else had to be going on. The consultant confirmed this, saying that many women have a breaking-in period that lasts several weeks. She said my nipples had had life pretty good before this, but now they were having to take on a whole new tough role. The only way to get them over this hump was to allow the pain to happen, coping with it by pumping one side for a 24-hour period so it could heal while the other side took the brunt of the abuse. Then, I should switch this routine, so that the other side had a 24-hour window to heal over. Jake said it sounded to him like learning to play the guitar---a lot of people give up early on because it hurts your fingers, but once you build up the callouses, you're good to go. Apparently, it's the same with nipples.
THIRD WEEK HOME: Starting on my third week now, things are finally going a little smoother. I'm still dealing with engorgement on the right breast, and trying to get it under control. I use the massage techniques, and pump it down in the morning, which brings wonderful immediate relief. Then, the rest of the day, I alternate Snippet at each feeding. (I've heard it recommended that the baby should nurse from both breasts at each feeding, but Snippet will often refuse to latch on a second time, so I don't prematurely interrupt him.) I'm using some caution here, because I want to avoid having my body think it needs to provide enough milk for both the baby and the pump. Usually the right side starts to get engorged again by the evening, so I wonder if I'm still not getting the equation quite right.
While I was pregnant, I remember hearing and reading the statement that X-percentage of women stop breastfeeding after the first week, though no one ever clarified the reasons for this decline. Well, now I know why, on multiple levels. Were it not for all the great health advantages of nursing, I, too, would have called it quits after that first week. Instead, I'm pushing forward, with faith in the words of the consultant who assured me it gets easier each day, each week, until suddenly, it's a simple, painless part of my day, that brings more satisfaction than frustration. I'm definitely not there yet, but I'm hopeful that soon I will be.
posted by deanna at 7:51 PM
13 Comments:
Deanna,
Having never read a thing about breast feeding other than the conventional wisdom of course -- I find I've had a total education here! Thank you for demystifying something that certainly would have been a total blank spot in my knowledge base...I find this post so wonderfully honest and helpful.
Pam
Thank you for posting this! I'm planning on breastfeeding but haven't started researching it yet. This was very helpful and I am totally bookmarking it for future reference. And yes, do you have any internet links or books that were really, truly helpful?
It makes you wonder what it must have been like 100 years ago when women didn't have a choice to stop after a week and use formula. I wondered if something like this was going on when we didn't hear from you for so long...I'm so glad that Jake is being wonderful for you both and that the hospital LC was nice to you. I talked to my mom and MIL about breastfeeding when I was gearing up to nurse Evie and my mom said that breastfeeding me was really stressful and hard but that with my younger brother it was easy, so I guess it's just one more hurdle that first-time moms have to jump. ((((Hugs))))
My breastfeeding story is JUST like yours. I remember one night noticing that the milk I was pumping from my engorged breasts was pink. Turns out there was blood mixed in with the milk. That was my low point!
After 3 weeks it got SO much better. If my experience is any indication, you are on approaching the upswing of the whole experience.
Good luck and e-mail me if you need to unload!
posey
Good for you, seriously!
Ahhh...brings back memories from my daughter. Those cracked and bleeding nipples. The huge breasts. It really does get better. I think those first weeks I spent so much time in the shower massaging my poor rock hard boobs and spraying milk everywhere. And crying. But around 4 weeks things started to get a little easier and I was not bleeding anymore. And then around 6-8 weeks (I can't remember) things magically turned around. It was like someone turned on a switch and all of a sudden, it worked! And then it was beautiful and wonderful. I loved it so much that it was the first thing I thought about when I found out I was pregnant again. I was so excited to breastfeed! Granted, this second time around I had 2 and so I really didn't have the engorgement problems, just the opposite! But it was easier faster and I still feel like it's beautiful and wonderful and I love it so much. Seriously, it will be better. Yay for you for sticking with it!!
Oh, Honey, I know how you feel, and have been there twice. With my older boy I could have fed a whole third world country, and ballooned up to a HUGE size. And the engorgement, OMG. I didn't have the initial ease that you had in the hospital - breastfeeding was arduous and awful for me for the first month both times.
And it's something which we forget quickly (selective memory), but is just hugely understated for all the pain and difficulty that so many women go through with this. We want it to be this great bonding thing and it ends up being the hardest part of early post-partum.
It sounds, though, like you are starting to feel better. Just keep persevering, as long as you want to do it. Whatever you decide to do is the right thing, and you need to know that it is not you, it is just the physiology of early nursing. Some people don't have the issues, but more people than not do have some. As I said, my early experiences were so awful that I never thought I would be able to persevere. I ended up with my first son nursing for 8 months (wait, you have teeth on the other side of this..), and 4 months with Eddie since he kicked himself off the breast when he wasn't getting enough (after the breast reduction).
For the engorgement I took lots of very painful hot showers. Having the water beat on them was awful, but it helped. The massage with warm/hot cloths and pumping is great too. One last thing I did the first time - weird but I've heard about this time and again, and it actually did work - cabbage leaves. I am trying to remember exactly what to do - I think it was taking the outside leaves from a cabbage and putting them on the breasts, and there is something in the leaves that helps to soften. Google it and see whether you can find it.
You are doing beautifully. Through all the struggles, you are just really doing a phenomenal job. Don't beat yourself up. None of this has been your fault. And you will come through this, however you decide to do it.
I'll be watching and hoping that things continue to get better with this.
Thanks, Deanna. As someone who is going to try this tomorrow and whose heart might not be totally into it, this post is hugely helpful. I will keep it in mind so that I don't give up too easily - especially since I might be looking for a reason not to do it.
I loved Jake's guitar comparison. Thought that was cute.
I'm glad everything - other than the dilemmas you mentioned in this post - is going well.
Take care!
Girl, you're a rock star! You'll get through this in no time (I talk like someone who knows from experience which I don't, but after reading your blog for a while I have faith in you). Thanks so much for taking the time to post about all this. I am due in one month and will use it as a reference. I am also newly inspired to bust out my books on breastfeeding (ohgeez---no pun intended there) and actually *read* them!
After reading Snippet's birth story, I've felt such a kinship with you b/c our stories were similar in so many ways. You didn't ask for encouragement, but it sounds like you are doing really great. Those first few weeks are so hard! All the hormones and getting the whole breastfeeding thing figured out. If you can get through the pain, you will be amazed and awed by how much better things will be in a few weeks. I was never able to breastfeed my first son for a variety of reasons, and I was determined to make it work the next time. It was so hard at first, but after a while it became easy. He nursed for 13 months before weaning himself. It was wonderful, and I still miss it sometimes. It's all so amazing.
CARRIE: My favorite book I read was "The Nursing Mother's Companion" by Kathleen Huggins. I also read the big La Leche League book, "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding," but it was TERRIBLE. I do NOT recommend it. It was pages and pages of repetition and arguments about why you should breastfeed. I didn't need a book to convince me to do it---I just needed to know how to do it. So, don't waste your time or money on that one. The Huggins books is much shorter and is so much more helpful. I also found several really good podcasts about breastfeeding at Pregtastic.com. Then, I also found some good videos at http://www.thebirthden.com/Newman.html Hope these are helpful to you!
I never really mention it to women who haven't had kids yet...as I don't want to discourage them, but breastfeeding is probably in the top 2 or 3 hardest, most stressful things I've done in my life. It does get easier, but those first few weeks are the pits. This time around I'm bfing twins...and it's been a totally different experience in good ways and bad.
Hey, tell those boobs to hang in there it really does get much easier. That pain will go away and you will have some great bonding time with the little guy! Next you can look forward to the first time he uses you as a teether! :)
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