That Smelly Thing Isn't the Cheese
In the 12 weeks since Snippet was born, my own personal hygiene has suffered quite a lot. I struggled for the first few weeks, trying to maintain my pre-pregnancy routines, but this only lead to frustration and my looking pretty frazzled and half-baked most of the time. I found sanity by creating hygiene levels, ranked in importance as follows:
ESSENTIAL HYGIENE (these things are done every day, come hell, high water, etc.):
1. Bathing (this does not mean "showering" since I cannot readjust lost pacifiers while dripping water. I can, however, adjust pacis, reset bouncy seats, adjust blankets, keep eye contact and sing silly songs while taking a bath in the tub.)
2. Applying deodorant (this is necessary since I have become one constant stream of movement, rarely sitting except to work at the computer. Without deodorant, I could add the lovely scent of B.O. to the various other scents that have attached themselves to me now.)
3. Applying foundation and face powder (this is necessary to make me look more like a vibrant, living person than a stressed-out, frantic, mother to the damned.)
4. Applying a squirt of perfume (this must be done to help conceal the persistent soured milk smell that is now my natural scent.)
BONUS HYGIENE (done only on the occasional weekend when Jake can watch Snippet for an extended period of time)
1. Washing my hair (How I long for the days when I could do this every day! As it is, I only get to wash it about twice a week, which means the first day after washing I look relatively human, but any subsequent days require a ponytail, else a frizzy, dry, crackly mess is the result.)
2. Shaving pits (Thankfully it's winter, so the once a week shaving goes unnoticed by most people.)
3. Blow-drying my hair (The only way I get straight hair is by blow-drying it, so I end up 50/50 right now. Some days are straight, some are wavy, some are an uncomfortable mid-point between those two that I wouldn't call My Best Look.)
4. Applying body powder (This was fun to do so I could smell girly and decrease sweat in unmentionable places. However, now I don't even have the 15 seconds to spare that it takes to do this, so I skip it and risk the chaffing.)
5. Applying nipple cream (This fell into the Essential category during the first 9 weeks or so of breasfeeding. Now, my nipples are pretty tough, so I only do it once a week as an act of kindness to them.)
EXTRAVAGANT HYGIENE (done only when the planets fall into correct celestial alignment)
1. Clipping fingernails (I loathe having long fingernails, but I only have the time to clip them when they get so long that they are a hazard when doing things like breast compression---ow!.)
2. Shaving legs (This pretty much only happens every few weeks, when I have an appointment with my gym trainer. She's a woman and probably wouldn't care, but I trick myself into thinking shaved legs = thinner-looking legs.)
3. Tweasing eyebrows (This only happens when we're going out to dinner and I don't want to horrify our company.)
4. Applying a facial mask (This has still not happened since Snippet was born, but I would like to keep it on my list in case one day I have 15 minutes and nothing to do.)
5. Applying body lotion (This is something that is KILLING me to miss. In the winter, my skin is an itchy mess of flaking cells and it's only the body lotion that keeps me from scratching myself bloody. So far, my nearly once a week applications are keeping it in check, but as the season continues, this may have to get bumped to the Bonus category to save me from myself.)
ESSENTIAL HYGIENE (these things are done every day, come hell, high water, etc.):
1. Bathing (this does not mean "showering" since I cannot readjust lost pacifiers while dripping water. I can, however, adjust pacis, reset bouncy seats, adjust blankets, keep eye contact and sing silly songs while taking a bath in the tub.)
2. Applying deodorant (this is necessary since I have become one constant stream of movement, rarely sitting except to work at the computer. Without deodorant, I could add the lovely scent of B.O. to the various other scents that have attached themselves to me now.)
3. Applying foundation and face powder (this is necessary to make me look more like a vibrant, living person than a stressed-out, frantic, mother to the damned.)
4. Applying a squirt of perfume (this must be done to help conceal the persistent soured milk smell that is now my natural scent.)
BONUS HYGIENE (done only on the occasional weekend when Jake can watch Snippet for an extended period of time)
1. Washing my hair (How I long for the days when I could do this every day! As it is, I only get to wash it about twice a week, which means the first day after washing I look relatively human, but any subsequent days require a ponytail, else a frizzy, dry, crackly mess is the result.)
2. Shaving pits (Thankfully it's winter, so the once a week shaving goes unnoticed by most people.)
3. Blow-drying my hair (The only way I get straight hair is by blow-drying it, so I end up 50/50 right now. Some days are straight, some are wavy, some are an uncomfortable mid-point between those two that I wouldn't call My Best Look.)
4. Applying body powder (This was fun to do so I could smell girly and decrease sweat in unmentionable places. However, now I don't even have the 15 seconds to spare that it takes to do this, so I skip it and risk the chaffing.)
5. Applying nipple cream (This fell into the Essential category during the first 9 weeks or so of breasfeeding. Now, my nipples are pretty tough, so I only do it once a week as an act of kindness to them.)
EXTRAVAGANT HYGIENE (done only when the planets fall into correct celestial alignment)
1. Clipping fingernails (I loathe having long fingernails, but I only have the time to clip them when they get so long that they are a hazard when doing things like breast compression---ow!.)
2. Shaving legs (This pretty much only happens every few weeks, when I have an appointment with my gym trainer. She's a woman and probably wouldn't care, but I trick myself into thinking shaved legs = thinner-looking legs.)
3. Tweasing eyebrows (This only happens when we're going out to dinner and I don't want to horrify our company.)
4. Applying a facial mask (This has still not happened since Snippet was born, but I would like to keep it on my list in case one day I have 15 minutes and nothing to do.)
5. Applying body lotion (This is something that is KILLING me to miss. In the winter, my skin is an itchy mess of flaking cells and it's only the body lotion that keeps me from scratching myself bloody. So far, my nearly once a week applications are keeping it in check, but as the season continues, this may have to get bumped to the Bonus category to save me from myself.)
posted by deanna at 12:40 PM
6 Comments:
Girl, do you know how to take a 5 minute shower? I swear, you can wash everything, shave your legs, and put on Aveeno shower lotion. Why do you have to have him in the bathroom with you? Just curious.
KIM: I can't seem to perfect the 5-minute-shower. I just end up daydreaming under the stream of water, and the next thing I know, Snippet is wailing his head off and I've got a head full of shampoo and can't get to him. Then, I get all stressed out and upset, etc.
I have to have him in the bathroom with me so I can hear if he cries. (Jake's usually gone to work already when I'm taking a bath in the morning.) I'm just not at the point where I can put him in his playpen without my supervision. I just always imagine the worst!
I understand that. There were times I could have spent a lifetime in the shower. I know I was very anxious about his cries for awhile, but you just have to let it go. Put him down for his nap, ensure he's asleep, and then GO! If he wakes up and cries, he will be fine for a few minutes while you finish up. Remember, if he's crying, he's breathing.
This so cracked me up, but you really helped me with this! I hadn't even though about taking a bath with Evie right there...it's a fab idea! :) What was I (not) thinking? Anyhow, my essential hygiene is washing my face, brushing my teeth, putting on deodorant and brushing my hair. That's it. Bonus is a shower, but I always wash hair and shave pits along with it. Blow-drying is a never, not since Evie was born!
Sounds like you're doing great, actually. I am only showering every other day at this point, but rather than feeling down about it I just tell myself I'm living a European lifestyle. :)
I am floored by your list of essentials. Mine is shower, brush teeth, and deodorant. That's it. If I'm leaving the house I might brush my hair too but that's it.
Once Snippet falls into a somewhat regular nap pattern it'll be easier to time your shower. I bring the monitor into the bathroom with me just in case
Been there, remember those days. Now I get to take a shower, but not without days where Eddie opens the shower door and enters fully clothed and tries to grab my naked parts.
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